what's in a name?

well.  i've arrived at 27 weeks.  depending on which book / website you read, this is the beginning of the third trimester.  (some say it starts at week 27... others say it starts at week 28... i say, "holy crap, i'm having a baby in 13 weeks!"  ummm, that's less than 100 days.  seriously.)  :-)

anyway, things have been a bit roller-coastery as of late.  as excited as i am to welcome Baby Girl into our lives, i am equally as overwhelmed / terrified / concerned / bewildered / wondering what-the-heck-were-we-thinking??  without fail, every time i find myself in a moment of peace and happiness, ((boom)) the bottom drops out.

((boom)) we totaled the car.
((boom)) the basement floods.
((boom)) maternity leave is not going to be as long as i thought.
((boom)) i'm not getting the raise that i'd been praying for.
((boom)) steve will be deployed to afghanistan for 4 months next year.
((boom)) the nearly-free childcare we'd been counting on is not available after all.
((boom)) somehow we need to come up with several hundred extra dollars per month for childcare.

it's gotten to the point where i'm almost afraid to be happy, for fear of what big scary event may be lying in wait just around the corner.  this is probably not a healthy way to live -- in a constant state of fear -- but i seem to be batting a thousand lately.  and it's just.so.frustrating.  it's robbing me of the joy of this new life inside of me.  it's making me bitter towards people who can afford to live on one salary and be stay-at-home-moms.  it's pushing me to question so many things about God and the complexities of his plan.  it's exhausting me to realize that maybe this is just how life is and will continue to be.  it's making me wonder what i did wrong to get to this point?

man, what a downer, right?  but hey, i'm pregnant.  mood swings kind of come with the territory.  (speaking of which, do you watch The Office?  in last night's season premiere, i was completely cracking up at weepy, pregnant Pam.  that is so me.)  :-)

anyway, i have no brilliant Bible verses or cutesie anecdotes or inspirational pep talks today.  but i do have God's grace, and i'm holding on as tightly as i can.  which brings me to my final thought for the day -- Baby Lougee's name.  steve and i have pretty much agreed on this name from the get-go.  so unless she really, really doesn't look like this when she's born, her name will be.....

Isla Grace

(for the record, Isla is pronounced "eye-luh.")  :-)

i'm really into name meanings, so here we go...  Isla most frequently means "island," but it also means "flowing like a river."  and Grace means, well, grace.  :-)  unmerited favor or goodwill.  so, in these dark days of uncertainty, i pray to God and thank him over and over again for the "flowing grace" in our lives.  what a blessing.

hondas, hallways, and hardware

as we near the end of summer (and the end of my second trimester -- WHAT??  how is that possible?), i thought i'd share an update of things we've been up to.

in mid-august, my dear husband totaled my little red Civic -- my first major purchase as a college graduate.  steve had been driving on wet roads and slid right into a telephone pole.  :-(  praise, praise, praise the Lord that he didn't have any major injuries!  it was a rough couple of weeks, trying to figure out what we were going to do and how we could possibly afford a new/used vehicle at this point in our lives when money was already pretty tight.  my car had been paid off for several years, and i was REALLY enjoying not having a car payment!  but alas, God had other plans for us.  better plans, in fact.  because the Civic was totaled, the door was opened for us to purchase a car that was a better fit for our growing family.  so i've graduated from a 2-door Civic to a 4-door Accord.  (staying within the Honda family, of course!)  and i've gotta say, i couldn't be happier.  God provided us with a reliable car, affordable payments, a huge trunk, and a spacious backseat... perfect for a baby's car seat and other baby-related paraphernalia.  what a blessing!

good-bye, sheila!  hello, lovely car yet-to-be-named!

we've been keeping busy with our Pre-Baby To-Do List also!  one of the items that i've been meaning to tackle is painting our main hallway.  the doors really needed to be sanded and repainted (the previous owner did a very sloppy job!) and i wanted a bit of color on the walls.  this project turned out to be much more of a hassle than i had anticipated (cue major hormonal pregnancy meltdown!), but i'm happy with the results.  it looks so much fresher!

the before picture really doesn't do any justice to how horrible it looked.  the paint on those doors was thrown on SO haphazardly!  it was drippy, streaky, and downright ugly.  the newly-painted, crisp white doors and blue-gray walls make me so happy!  :-)  (FYI: still need to replace the light fixture... just haven't found the right one yet!)

i also replaced all of the door hardware -- hinges and doorknobs!  we happily disposed of the rusty, brassy, hideous hardware that came with the house and replaced them with these sparkling beauties!  (it is, perhaps, a little unhealthy how ecstatic i am about this part of the project.  it really was the icing on the cake!)

so what's next on our list?  well, the windows will be installed sometime in late september / early october.  (but that won't be a major issue for us since the window company is installing them.)  as steve continues to toil away on the second floor drywalling, i have decided it's high time to dive into the nursery!  oh, and we really need to register soon too.  so yeah, those are the immediate projects.  i'm actually feeling pretty good about the status of things at the house.  there have been some other emotional / mental hurdles that i've been dealing with, but i'll save that for another day...  right now, i'm just going to look at my shiny doorknobs and SMILE.  :-)