isla's arrival

(i started writing this post over a week ago...  ha!  welcome to life with an infant, right?)

Isla Grace ~ born on December 29, 2011, at 4:31pm ~ 8 pounds, 2 ounces, 21 inches long

i'm not sure if i'll get through this post before my little snuggle bug wakes up, but i have found myself in a rare quiet moment, and i must take some time to reflect on the events of the past few days before the memories start to swirl away.  i am currently propped up in my hospital bed while my husband snoozes on the futon next to me and my swaddled daughter lies cozily in her bassinet at the foot of the bed.

daughter.

i can't get over that.  can't believe that she is ours.  can't fully understand this blessing.  can't comprehend the magnitude of this responsibility.  in short, i am consumed with love for her and completely overwhelmed with the many changes that are upon us.  but more on that another time.  for now, i just want to tell the story of isla's arrival.

(disclaimer: i very rarely read other people's "birth stories."  i've just never gotten into it.  but now i understand why women do it.  and it's the same reason why i'm doing it myself!  but, for the record, i won't hold it against you if you don't read all of these details.  because honestly, this post is long and mostly self-serving.  i want to remember everything that i possibly can about that day!)

my due date was december 23, which came and went without much ado.  next came christmas eve and christmas day, which were certainly special, if not a little disappointing, as i had been hoping to share the holiday with our daughter.

on the evening of tuesday, december 27, i was up all night with contractions.  they were fairly mild, but were strong enough to keep me from sleeping and had me pacing around the house with my iphone and contraction timer app.  (yup, there's an app for that!)  but the contractions never got closer than 10 minutes apart, and by 6:00am, they had stopped altogether.  i was a little annoyed, but what can you do, right?

on wednesday, december 28, steve took off work, and we spent the morning running errands, trying to get last minute details in place before the baby arrived.  i was pretty exhausted when we got home and tried to nap.  however, at 2:00pm, the contractions started.  they were irregular and mild, but kept coming every 15 to 30 minutes.  by dinner time, they were getting stronger, and by 9:00pm, i was in some serious pain.  i refrained from calling the doctor because the contractions were still irregular, some coming 4 minutes apart, others as much as 20 minutes apart.  but at midnight when i had one that brought me to the floor, writhing in pain, steve said he didn't care about regularity.  it was time to call.  the on-call midwife seemed a little skeptical on the phone, but told me that we could come into the hospital to get checked out.  she got a little friendlier when she saw that i was nearly 4 centimeters dilated.  :-)  and so we were admitted.

between contractions...  sometime around 2:00am

we were taken to a labor and delivery room which is where the birth would eventually take place.  (or at least that was the plan!)  i made it clear that i wanted an epidural, but desired to "tough it out" a little first.  at 3:30am, i admitted that i was too exhausted to go on, and by 4:00am, i was resting comfortably with my glorious epidural.  steve and i were able to get some much needed sleep at that point.  when we awoke around 7:00 or 8:00am, i was hoping to hear a report of some amazing dilation progression.  however, it turns out that i was only at 5 centimeters and my contractions had basically stopped.

pretty tired after a long night... but excited!

introduce pitocin.  and several odd positioning techniques that were supposed to encourage dilation.  (it was amusing to be placed in these positions while my body was dead weight from the waist down!)  somewhere around this time, my blood pressure dropped seriously low and they couldn't find isla's heartbeat.  so the midwife quickly broke my water and applied a fetal monitoring device.  thankfully, isla was fine and after some medication, my blood pressure was back to normal.  whew!

several more hours passed.  steve and i attempted to rest.  my parents came to visit.  i ate lots of jello.  and the nurses kept increasing my pitocin.  but there was no change in my dilation.  as we neared the maximum dosage of pitocin that was safe for me and isla, the midwife got real with me.  she was going to give me two more hours -- if i didn't dilate significantly, she was going to recommend a c-section.  this news didn't really phase me because i thought certainly i would dilate with the maximum dosage of pitocin.  however, by 3:30pm, i was still at 5 centimeters and my cervix had started to thicken back up.  i didn't even know that was possible!

so the doctor came in and verified that a c-section was really the best option at this point.  she explained the procedure, i signed the consent forms, and before i knew it, several nurses and two anesthesiologists were buzzing around me, prepping me for surgery.

this.was.really.happening.

at around 4:00pm, steve was holding my hand as i was wheeled to the OR.  i had never had any type of surgery -- not even to have my wisdom teeth removed -- so i was getting pretty nervous.  the OR was bustling!  steve had to wait outside while i was prepped, so i was very thankful for the nurse who sat by my side and told me what was going on and kept me calm.

nervous daddy!

nervous mommy!

i was about to become a mom.  like, for real!

soon enough, steve was brought into the room.  he sat by my head -- safely behind the blue curtain!  the surgery began, and not even 5 minutes later, at 4:31pm, i heard a cry.  a sweet little whimper.  i looked above the curtain, and there she was in the doctor's arms.  slimy and squirmy and beautiful.  (i have a picture of this, but i'm pretty sure no one except steve and me would find it beautiful...!)  :-)

8 pounds, 2 ounces, 21 inches long.  button nose, pouty lips, smooshy chin.  light brown hair, piercing eyes, long fingers and toes.

our little family :-)

everything that happened after the surgery is a bit of a blur.  holding isla for the first time... feeding her... regaining feeling in my legs in the recovery room... listening to the nurses oooh and ahhhh over isla's sweetness... watching steve beam with pride as he snuggled his daughter so closely... being settled into my room... extreme nausea and chills... sleeping through isla's introduction to her grandparents... a long night of constant monitoring and baby feedings...

isla is now 11 days old.  she is sweet and snuggly and amazing.  sometimes i cry just thinking about how much i love her.  :-)  and other times i cry because i'm just so completely exhausted and overwhelmed!  but i remind myself every day that this is normal... and things WILL get better.  we're taking it one day at a time, learning and growing together.

thank you, Lord, for this blessing.  may i never forget the journey of tears and prayers and waiting that brought me to this point.  may i recognize each day and night as a gift and somehow find joy through the exhaustion.  may i remember that motherhood is a great responsibility and a high calling -- and may i trust that you will equip me to fulfill that which you have called me to do.  may i grow ever closer to You as i begin to understand the meaning of the word 'sacrificial love.'  and may i grow closer to my husband as we walk this road together.  bless our sweet daughter, isla grace.  may she be healthy and strong and inquisitive and happy.  may she love You above all things and bring joy to those who cross her path.