what's in a name?

well.  i've arrived at 27 weeks.  depending on which book / website you read, this is the beginning of the third trimester.  (some say it starts at week 27... others say it starts at week 28... i say, "holy crap, i'm having a baby in 13 weeks!"  ummm, that's less than 100 days.  seriously.)  :-)

anyway, things have been a bit roller-coastery as of late.  as excited as i am to welcome Baby Girl into our lives, i am equally as overwhelmed / terrified / concerned / bewildered / wondering what-the-heck-were-we-thinking??  without fail, every time i find myself in a moment of peace and happiness, ((boom)) the bottom drops out.

((boom)) we totaled the car.
((boom)) the basement floods.
((boom)) maternity leave is not going to be as long as i thought.
((boom)) i'm not getting the raise that i'd been praying for.
((boom)) steve will be deployed to afghanistan for 4 months next year.
((boom)) the nearly-free childcare we'd been counting on is not available after all.
((boom)) somehow we need to come up with several hundred extra dollars per month for childcare.

it's gotten to the point where i'm almost afraid to be happy, for fear of what big scary event may be lying in wait just around the corner.  this is probably not a healthy way to live -- in a constant state of fear -- but i seem to be batting a thousand lately.  and it's just.so.frustrating.  it's robbing me of the joy of this new life inside of me.  it's making me bitter towards people who can afford to live on one salary and be stay-at-home-moms.  it's pushing me to question so many things about God and the complexities of his plan.  it's exhausting me to realize that maybe this is just how life is and will continue to be.  it's making me wonder what i did wrong to get to this point?

man, what a downer, right?  but hey, i'm pregnant.  mood swings kind of come with the territory.  (speaking of which, do you watch The Office?  in last night's season premiere, i was completely cracking up at weepy, pregnant Pam.  that is so me.)  :-)

anyway, i have no brilliant Bible verses or cutesie anecdotes or inspirational pep talks today.  but i do have God's grace, and i'm holding on as tightly as i can.  which brings me to my final thought for the day -- Baby Lougee's name.  steve and i have pretty much agreed on this name from the get-go.  so unless she really, really doesn't look like this when she's born, her name will be.....

Isla Grace

(for the record, Isla is pronounced "eye-luh.")  :-)

i'm really into name meanings, so here we go...  Isla most frequently means "island," but it also means "flowing like a river."  and Grace means, well, grace.  :-)  unmerited favor or goodwill.  so, in these dark days of uncertainty, i pray to God and thank him over and over again for the "flowing grace" in our lives.  what a blessing.