sitting, waiting, wishing

well... my birthday, my last day of work, isla's due date, and christmas have all come and gone.  as much as i was hoping to have a baby in my arms by this point, i can't say that i'm too surprised to still be waiting.

at my 40 week appointment last thursday, a somewhat callous and matter-of-fact midwife (who let's just say was NOT my favorite person ever) made it very clear that i wasn't even close.  i believe her exact words were "your cervix is completely closed and way up in the rafters."  (too much info?  sorry...)  later when i told her that i was staying in the area for the holidays, she said, "it doesn't really matter.  you're not going to go into labor and even if you do, you'd still have plenty of time to drive back here."  ummm, thanks.  i kind of wanted to claw her eyes out.  :-)

but the truth is that she was probably right.  and so we wait.  and wait.  and wait.  i know that this is extremely normal.  disappointing, but normal.

if i've learned anything over the past few years, it's that waiting is not such a bad thing.  i know that she will be worth it.  and while i'm waiting, i've been soaking up some extra special time with steve in our last few days or weeks as a family of two.  uncomfortable though i may be, i am enjoying this period of time...  i'm learning to love my husband a little deeper... express my gratefulness and appreciation a little more openly... and snuggle a little bit closer (as much as my jumbo belly will allow!).  :-)  perhaps God knew we needed this.

hope you all had a marvelous christmas!  here's to a truly life-changing new year!  :-)