So How Are You Feeling?

"So... how are you feeling?"  I’ve been getting that question a lot lately.  It’s pretty sweet to feel so cared about.  :-)  I don’t have a really simple answer to that question, though, so let’s try to tackle it in two parts: physically and mentally/emotionally.

Physically

Physically, I’m doing pretty well.  During the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I felt completely normal.  So much so that I was beginning to suspect that maybe I wasn’t really pregnant at all.  But sure enough, right around week 8, several very noticeable symptoms flooded in.  I get some pretty serious nausea every day between 8:30 and 11:30am.  Without fail.  I haven’t thrown up (because honestly, I’m just not prone to throwing up ever), but I feel very unsettled, my throat glands are swollen and producing saliva like crazy, and I’m pretty sure my complexion is an awesome shade of green.  I’ve taken to snacking on Saltines throughout the morning to keep myself in check.  I feel pretty normal in the afternoons, until just before dinnertime when I start to feel sick again.  This has made cooking dinner a challenge, but we’re dealing with it.  The biggest thing I’ve had to avoid is chicken, which totally grosses me out.  ((shudder))  Even thinking about it right now makes me want to gag!  I also have a huge aversion to salad.

What else?  Oh, I’m super tired.  Mostly just in the evenings.  I can hardly watch TV anymore without falling asleep.  And my body is definitely starting to change.  For the past week, simply getting dressed in the morning was a major event, because hardly anything fit.  So I made a trip to Kohl’s over the weekend to supplement my wardrobe with a few items that will hopefully accommodate my expanding waistline.  (Long, flowing maxi dresses are my new best friend!)

So, all things considered, I’d say I’m feeling pretty good.  The nausea is bearable and the fatigue is not so bad, provided my husband does not expect the house to be quite as clean as it used to be.  :-)

Mentally/Emotionally

Well, this is another animal entirely.  :-)  Steve and I had thought about having children for a long time.  But never in our thinking and planning did we ever officially “crunch the numbers.”  Turns out, kids are expensive!  (Ummm, obvious statement of the year award.)  And the more I think about this, the more I start to freak out.

Here are the facts:

1. As much as I think I’d enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom, we just can’t afford it.  So, I will have to return to work after the baby is born.
2. Not only do I have to keep working, but I have to keep working full-time in order to keep my health benefits (which are significantly better and less expensive than Steve’s).
3. This means that we’ll have to arrange childcare of some sort.  Babysitter?  Daycare?  Family member?  I don’t have that worked out yet…  I sort of have a panic attack every time I think about it.  Especially the cost.  Yipes!!

Other things I am freaking out about in my fragile emotional state:

1. I have changed less than five diapers in my entire life.
2. I have never bathed or fed a child.
3. I have no idea what I’m doing.
4. Is organic really better?  Seriously, I just don’t know anything. 
5. When I return to work, what if the baby cries all night?  How on earth will I function at work with no sleep?
6. What if I have a sickly child?  I can’t just leave work.  I am the receptionist.  They are sort of screwed if I have to leave unexpectedly.  I hate that I’m going to become a huge inconvenience.
7. My car is a 2-door Honda Civic.  Can you imagine how awesome it is going to be to finagle a car seat in and out of the backseat?
8. There are just SOOOO many other things (both reasonable and ridiculous) that are filling my head with fear and trepidation these days.

So, lest you think I am a completely horrible and ungrateful person, I really am happy as a clam to be blessed with this pregnancy.  And, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I know that all of these worries will work themselves out.  Steve and I will figure out how to be parents, how to love this child with all of our might, and how to make it all work in our little corner of the world.

And you know what?  That’s actually kind of exciting to me!  We have our own little path to walk – different from anyone else’s.  Sure, from my perspective, it looks soooo much easier and ideal to be a stay-at-home-mom, but that’s not my story.  I’m scared, yes, but also filled with excitement to see how this all plays out.

Whew!  I’ve stepped back from the ledge.  Nothing to see here, people.  Pep-talk complete.  ;-)